It's Not Insulting, We're Revolting

When I posted saying that Communism is bad, I got more views from China than from America. Fancy that.

The other day, I sat down next to a man on the subway who I could tell had just had a cigarette. I smell a lot of cigarette smoke here in New York City, but this was different, and familiar. I asked him what he smoked. Marlboro Ultra Lights, he said. Didn't ring any bells.

"You've got front-row seats to the penitence ball, When I grow up I want to be nothing at all.."

Sometimes, I buy a bag of chips to eat over the course of several days. Then I eat the entire thing in ten minutes. Bag size is hella misleading.

I say "hella" more to annoy people than anything.

I texted my dad the other day, asking him what cigarettes he used to smoke. Marlboro Ultra Lights.

"If I could trade mistakes for sheep, Count me away before you sleep.."

I've recently been introduced to the concept of "eating my feelings." Today my feelings were chocolate chip Pop-Tarts and a bowl of cereal.

Someone made a comment about my "Presbyterian" remark last post. I've said it before, I'll [probably not] say it again: The best way to make sure no one ever finds out about something is to blog about it.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

I never have any time at all to blog. I sincerely apologize.

"Arizona backwards is still Arizona! It's a palomino!"

Last year I was considering going to Erskine College, but decided against it because I wasn't Presbyterian. Now I am, and they've emailed me again about transferring. How conniving of them.

I like my job. I work for Admissions at my college. Answering emails from Erskine while sitting in my office is possibly the most traitorous thing I've ever done.

"You make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven, For too long.."

I had a coffee for the first time the other day. I was jittery as anything. Never again. Halfway through my coffee, I was sitting in my office, and a girl I work with winked at me. I spilled the coffee all over myself. So smooth.

COMMUNITY IS BACK ON. I literally couldn't be more excited.

"The greats weren't great because at birth they could paint. The greats were great because they paint a lot."

Beauty School Dropout

Yesterday, I was seriously considering going to Oregon. Why Oregon? Because I'm an adult now, and I get to decide what that means.

Sometimes when I'm doodling, I like to write my name, to see what it will look like when I'm married.


I got to go to the inauguration this past weekend. Got to see Beyonce. So lovely.

Paul Ryan gave me a head nod in a hallway. I basically have mad street cred now.

"Everything is A-O-K, 'Cause I'm strong as an O-A-K, And money don't grow on trees, And I'm B-R-O-K-E.."

I auditioned for a school production the other day. Callbacks are tomorrow. More details to follow.

"What if we stop having a ball?"

I finally have an idea for a book. Someone keep annoying me to write it.

'Cause I am giving up.

Let the Okay Times Roll

"The feeling came upon me like a tidal wave, Started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave, That I would love you 'til the end of time.."

In a strange turn of events, I like One Direction. I'm sorry.

The I before E rule doesn't work with the alphabet.

I'll be back in Maryland again this summer. I'm excited.

I love Instagram. Everyone should follow me. If you want to. My username is "JesseScottOwen". Novel, huh?

In the words of a good friend, "If life is all about relationships, I'm failing at life."

And in the words of the English guy I work with, "Ask a girl out? Now you're just looking for trouble. What's the matter with you?"

"So now I'm praying for the end of time, To hurry up and arrive, 'Cause if I have to spend another minute with you, I don't think that I can really survive.."

Clicking Like We're Bic Pens

Fun Fact: Lifesavers have holes in the middle so people won't choke on them. Hence the name.

I have an iPhone now. I love it. What apps do I need? Tell me!

I went to the dentist today. I hate dentists. So very much.

Fun Fact: James Bond orders a martini shaken, not stirred. Bartenders use spoons to stir martinis so as not to chip the ice and make it melt more. Bond is ordering a watered-down martini and being snooty about it.

I've never seen a James Bond movie.

"Your dude is cool, I wish I didn't have to mess with him. To tell the truth, I want the very second best for him.."

"I Can Go The Distance" is one of my favorite songs. Ever. I love it.

Love Is All About... Whistles

"Love is, taking that dive, and then getting really comfortable, and peeing in the pool.."

Last post of 2012. To all my friends in time zones far east of EST, how are you enjoying the New Year?

Except all of you people in China, you'll have your turn in February.

Or, better yet, COMMUNISM IS BAD. Now this blog is banned in China. Notoriety, for the win.

"My punchlines are lost baggage. You should get 'em in a couple days.."

I'm getting a haircut today. That's too bad. I can put my hair into a ponytail and look like a Federalist. But I have noticed people throwing stuff at me and calling me a hippie more. And by "people" I mean my family.

That is it guys. That is all. Five minutes in, and I'm bored again.

"Love is your favorite meal, for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner.."

You're Gonna Miss Me

I just took this picture. True story.

Why don't we give all the money we spend on military defense to North Korea, in exchange for not bombing us?

Every time I try to keep a journal, my life ceases to be interesting.

"He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but he, talks like a gentleman.."

I think these are my dad jeans. I've had them for years, and they've never once talked to me.

Christmas is happening soon. I should get some gifts for people.

Literally (figuratively) all of my friends are getting engaged. That may or may not be a good idea.

Old Navy gave me a dollar the other day to take a Jones soda and a pair of moccasins. The moral of this story is, when you find a gift card on the ground, check the balance before you throw it away.

Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls.